BULLETIN – Dragon Tattoo remake hits Europe

Germany has gotten it’s first look at David Fincher’s Dragon Tattoo remake – a film made solely to give American viewers a version without subtitles, ironically dubbed back into one of those silly languages foreigners insist on using. Stars Daniel Craig and Rooney Mara appeared before a crowd of dozens at a premiere in Berlin’s Postdamer Platz to sign autographs, enter the cinema, and then secretly leave without watching the film.

Our Berlin correspondent was made aware of the exclusive event upon leaving a cafe and seeing that someone had stuck a dirty great red carpet outside. We are assured that what Craig may lack vertically he more than makes up for in the dimension of compassion, crisscrossing said carpet more than three times despite it being a bit chilly. His interview was in English of course, televised live without subtitles – and quite right too. After all, what kind of nappy-wearing egomaniac of a country would expect to have every piece of international entertainment tailored to its own specific needs?

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