BULLETIN: Phantom Menace “good in 3D”


Bemused cinemagoers are reporting that Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace (1999) is “actually much, much better” in its new 3D release.  According to statements compiled on the internet, widespread criticisms of the original film’s plot, pacing, narrative structure, acting, special effects and acting were all caused by the its total lack of simulated depth.  Separating the image carefully into layers of foreground and background to give the occasional illusion of distance between objects close to and further away from the camera, said one viewer, “really makes all the difference”.

Marketing beneficiary George Lucas has already claimed that the six-part Star Wars trilogy was originally envisioned in 3D, and has been quoted as saying that, while he considers his films first and foremost childrens’ entertainment, if you don’t like any of them you are “an evil racist“.  Fans are said to be keenly anticipating the 3D re-release of the original films, which definitely is going to happen, in which Greedo will not only shoot first but butcher Han’s entire family and kick him directly in the testicles before doing so.


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