BULLETIN – International Avengers fans deprived of shawarma

SPOILER ALERT (if you’re one of the five people that still haven’t seen The Avengers)

Like Tony Stark I had no idea that shawarma even existed until Loki led swarms of Chitauri in an assault on New York. Unlike Stark I’m British, so while he tucked into shawarma in America’s cinema’s after the credits rolled, my dutiful wait through the credits ended only with an impatient usher attempting to evict me from the theatre. There was a mid-credit coda, I thought, this must be Marvel’s new strategy to ensure fans don’t need to sit through reams of text detailing everything from location information to the person who coordinated the film’s livestock (it was Tim Carroll, in case you’re wondering). How foolish I was.

Even more misplaced was my smugness at being able to see the film a week before American audiences, for I was soon to learn I was watching an INCOMPLETE version. Marvel would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for that pesky internet. Suddenly the net is replete with articles about how shawarma sales have boomed since the pivotal post-credit scene where the heroes sit around enjoying this mysterious (to me) delicacy. Not only do I not have a local shawarma merchant, but now due to greedy Hollywood executives clearly wanting all the shawarma for themselves, I may never get to taste this luxury fit for superhumans and Asgardian Gods.

If this mistreatment isn’t addressed immediately I fear the international version of Prometheus, again opening a week early, will be little more than animated storyboards missing the climactic moment when Michael Fassbender gorges on paella.

Oh wait a minute it’s basically a kebab. Suddenly I’m not so bothered.

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