Bradshaw Watch – ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ (2014)

For anyone wondering why Peter Bradshaw gave Guardians of the Galaxy four stars in his Guardian review, here is a rundown of Peter’s thoughts on the film – excluding bluntly-stated plot details which could have been copy-pasted from Wikipedia:

guardians-of-the-galaxy-new-set-pictures+(1)– The film features a “retro playlist”. Peter has also seen the film X-Men: Days of Future Past, which had one too

– One of the film’s stars, Chris Pratt, was also in a TV show called Parks and Recreation

Peter has also seen a film called Star Wars, and thinks Chris Pratt’s character is a bit like Han Solo

– Peter is, or was once, acquainted with a “very prominent British producer” who explained to him that only big film studios can afford the copyright fees to use classic pop tunes

– The film’s environments put Peter in mind of “classic photorealist sci-fi paperback covers”

– Peter has read a book called The Lord of the Rings, and thinks the character of “Groot” – a giant, talking tree – is a bit like a character in that, who is also a giant, talking tree

– Peter is also familiar with the Christian Bible, and remembers the name “Gomorrah” from it

– The film also stars Vin Diesel, Dave Bautista, Zoe Saldana and Bradley Cooper

– The animated raccoon in the film reminded Peter of two other animated animals – Timon from The Lion King (who, he notes, was voiced by Nathan Lane), and “the meerkat in the TV advert who says ‘simples'”. On Peter’s behalf, I shall note here that the meerkat in question was called “Aleksandr Orlov,” and was voiced by Simon Greenall

– Peter feels that the film “pulls off the difficult trick of combining sprightly self-satire combined with that operatic self-belief that superhero stories need”. The insight here lies not in the sentence itself, but in its repetition of “combining” and “combined,” which indicates that Peter didn’t re-read even the last words he typed before filing his copy.

DO NOT BE FOOLED. IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO COUNTERFEIT FILM CRITICISM, CONTACT YOUR LOCAL POLICE STATION – OR LEAVE A TESTIMONIAL ON FLICKBOOK.WORDPRESS.COM

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