Author Archives: Chaconne

Exclusive Oscars Season Interview 2015!

Oscars season is upon us, and you can almost smell the celluloid wafting on the Winter’s breeze. We caught up with a certain legendary Hollywood producer-mogul, relaxing in a rare moment of calm as he campaigns for the various Oscar-hopeful movies distributed by his company. His name was not recorded in the copy that was filed, and our interviewer was tragically killed later that afternoon – before he could be reached for clarification. His family have requested that this final piece be reproduced in the form it took at the exact moment of his death.

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This BAFTA’s not for Turner(ing), Mr Leigh!

Perhaps the only thing more dull than sitting through Mike Leigh’s snoretacular borefest Mr Turner has been reading the shrill, dreary outpouring of rage from so-called “film critics” and “filmmakers” and “members of the viewing public” about its so-called “snub” in this year’s BAFTA nominations. The truth is that, as many better-informed observers have noted, Leigh’s film is boring and too long and shit – and BAFTA, as usual, have hit all possible proverbial nails on their heads.

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Interstellar review

I tried. I honestly tried. I never meant to see Interstellar, because I already knew that I would hate it – and, more to the point, I already knew why I would hate it. That said, it’s comparatively lukewarm reception does indicate something of a turning point in Christopher Nolan’s career, and perhaps makes this a good moment to recap my reasoning.

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Grouchy, yet lovable

Part of the film’s fundamental awkwardness may be down to the fact that it was originally intended as a Stephen Spielberg movie, broken fragments of which are still visible. John Lithgow is awkwardly cast as a stock Spielberg type – a salt-of-the-earth, blue-collar love-bundle. Good old, grouchy-yet-lovable gramps is supposed to project a homely warmth, serving as a stable, loving core for Murphy’s family, but this is totally at odds with Lithgow’s signature style of effete, uppity aloofness. “It’s unnatural to eat popcorn at a ballgame. I wanna hotdog,” he grouches at one point, sounding for all the world like a man who’s never tasted either.

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‘Gotham’ (2014) review – Harvey Dent

Flipping his double-headed coin, he demands that the kid call it – which, of course, defeats the entire purpose of a double-headed coin by restoring the element of random chance. Where this gets truly, classically “Gotham” is that, although it’s clear the writers realised their mistake, for some reason they decided to leave it in. Instead of simply rewriting the scene, some bright spark inserted a line where Dent reassures us that “they nearly always choose heads” – which, apart from being factually incorrect, leaves us with the bizarre implication that every once in a while Harvey Dent sends some poor kid to prison because they said “tails”.

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Forgotten Greats: Miguel Vega

Excerpted from Lance Dunne’s The Eyes of a Millennium (University of Texas Press, 1984), with kind permission from the author’s estate

…It has become a truism of contemporary film criticism that, just as genius is never recognised in its own time, no great director can ever be truly appreciated in his own country. Of all the sad-sack stories of thwarted ambition and wasted talent I have dusted off and presented for your appreciation in this heartbroken volume, none gets this point across quite as eloquently as that of Miguel Vega.

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Interstellar review, by someone who’s never going to watch it

My relationship with Christopher Nolan has been a bumpy ride. We’ve had our ups and downs over the years – it’s not like there haven’t been good times – but the uninterrupted downward slide which really began with 2006’s The Prestige, and has only gotten steeper with each successive film, doesn’t show any signs of stopping. After a fair bit of soul-searching, I’m sorry to say that this is where I get off.

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Bradshaw Watch – Palo Alto (2014)

For anyone struggling to get through Peter Bradshaw’s review of Palo Alto (2014) in The Guardian, here is a rundown of his thoughts on the film – minus bluntly-stated plot details he could have copy-pasted from Wikipedia:

– Peter begins his review by stating that “a generic label here could be More Than Zero” – deftly pointing out how shit the pun he is using is, while using it anyway. This gag also allows him to subtly but firmly assure his readers that he has read Bret Easton Ellis’ novel Less Than Zero (1985), going so far as to name the author directly to ram the point home

– The film is directed by Gia Coppola, who Peter points out is the granddaughter of “Francis Ford”. Bradshaw does not specify who he means here, but it is obvious to cinephiles such as Peter and myself that he of course means Francis Ford Coppola

– The film is based on a a short story collection by James Franco

– The film also stars James Franco, and Jack Kilmer – “son of Val”. Bradshaw does not specify who he means here, but it is obvious to cinephiles such as Peter and myself that he of course means Val Kilmer

– The film also stars Emma Roberts

– One character uses an e-cigarette, which Peter suggests might symbolise “a spiritual void” of some kind. He goes so far as to suggest that this character is “another of modern cinema’s dodgy vapers,” suggesting a widespread pattern – though without providing any other specific examples

– The film also stars Nat Wolff

– Jack Kilmer, Peter feels, has “an open, attractive screen presence,” and an “unaffected charm”

DO NOT BE FOOLED. IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO COUNTERFEIT FILM CRITICISM, CONTACT YOUR LOCAL POLICE STATION – OR LEAVE A TESTIMONIAL ON FLICKBOOK.WORDPRESS.COM